Journal

      Golden Pavilion, Kinkakuji, Japan

 

 

 

" Whereof what's past is prologue, what to come In yours and my discharge. "

-- by William Shakespeare, The Tempest

 

The lessons of history shape all of us who are charged with the seemingly impossible task of predicting the future. They are the anchor for what could otherwise be an all-too-serendipitous task. There is always the risk that we become captives of an immaterial past that offers little insight into what lies ahead. The trick is to know which lessons from history are most relevant.

-- by Stephen Coach, Morgan Stanley Chief Financial Analyst

 

The following are selected journals of my past, which shaped me of who I am now. I can't relive my past, just now need to live everyday at present.

  


 

March 23, 2013

  

Due to work, my colleagues and I had site visits to numerous farm lands, villages and counties in China. Everyday and every meal our host had served us with excessive variety of livestock such as wild boar, wild cow, wild birds, etc. He emphasized that those are the best they can offer in the area. However, compared to what we normally eat in everyday Hong Kong, those food were unappealing. We didn't feel too significant at all. Not until the weekend I finally had free time to explore the county on my own did I realize that I did was having the best the county can offer. This incident, along with other hospitalities, had me to reflect on how fortunate I am in this world.

  

Sometimes we are just living in a sheltered environment that had us developing a delusional world. We whine about things we don't have but have we actually appreciated the things we have in our lives? In this regards, I feel more fortunate to have experienced an acceptable life so I can properly relinquish the desire of luxury. I guess it is amongst the stages of growing up...

  

Staying in a village with no entertainment, my best use of idled time would be writing poems. Enjoy.

   

县城

  

隨工访谈仁化县 

遇闲攀登巴寨山

虽县不像乡般寂 

喻山还有峰比高

  

繁与烦待久也静 

虚和需淡来已清

尽管县活存轻松 

遗憾城结欲难移

  

生在祖国南方珠

活过欧美天域城

我脚隨著世界行

谁心願在平地留

  

数天县务将完结

千里城路须开始

应知该归繁忙日  

只忆曾活纯朴梦

   

Work Journey  

  

I'm on a work trip journeying the coastal China 

From Fuzhou to Hangzhou by the great rail of China 

Fulfilling my sponsor duty, interviewing customer

Accompanied with boss, junior, auditor, lawyer   

  

How can I make best of my idled time?

Indulging in the auditor or writing poems that rhyme?

knowing that the cutie beside me can't be mine

I shall throw my juicy fantasies all behind

  

Of the six hours journey remained an hour or two

Now contemplating the evening to "you xihu" (游西湖)

My current working life style indeed ain't that bad

Would be lovely to have someone intimate to warm my bed

 


  

二O一二年七月四日

  

上年今天在这美国的独立日我独立一人开始了我的欧洲生活。原来打算不回来亚洲,但最后也回来了。世事无绝对。但这次回来也不代表我将来不会再去欧洲。人生的路就像打开了画报让颜色缤纷的填进去。我看我将来的两三年应会在香港或中国努努力力的工作,我也会开开心心的工作,开开心心的生活。

 

当我的心确定要定下来时我发现这香港之地也有我的心灵平衡的地方,但用了五个月的时间才适应、发现。所谓适者生存,改变了自己、打破了思想的框框,也有我生存之处。

 

改变原来在无言中。。。



 

March 10, 2012

  

I don't depend on no body; no body depends on me.
My life's my own, and I've been in care-free.
My friends envy of my no worry liberty.
Yet I want to taste a share of responsibility.
I am ready to be strapped and hitched.
It all lies on the perfect time and pitch.
(no worry tho if plan's got ditched...)
 
Slowly I am adjusting to the new normal,
reducing my presence to the minimal.
Weird as fun'd reached off bound,
neither I want it seen and found.
Thus have made peace with my mind.
Blissfully have retained a peace of mind.

 


  

December 15, 2011


我已辞了伦敦的工作,而买了去香港的机票,我这任性之旅也许就这样画上句号。在临走之前,我将会独行探游摩洛哥(揭开非洲/中东神秘的面纱)与站留在意大利的 Amalfi Coast 感受欧洲乡村的风情。我已经去了太多旅行,玩得太够反而心定了,人生也开此有了别的目标。虽然现尚早说出人生的改变,但改变正在沃壤中。这段时间我真的成长了很多,看事情的观点与角度也变了。
 
想不了在我对伦敦心凉的时候,I found love in a hopeless place。现实早已把我的童话幻灭,反而我现感觉到的是现实里的童话。
 
谁在命里主宰我。。。
 

I have caught up with my life now.

 

 
二O一一年十月二十一号
 
我以前想在伦敦得到的,现在却因实地了解而放下那份执著。所谓今生无悔,未曾体会过,怎会如愿;未曾任性过,怎会成长;未曾失去过,怎会学得珍惜。。。
 
这几个月赚到的是我对事情与人生的改观。人生充满着挑战,我看不出前面的路,反而学会珍惜安全、稳定的美好。回顾着过去,我真的想哭,但现还没令自己放纵。
 
I must appreciate that I have a few friends who know what I am doing - "getting it out of the system" - and provide me emotional support. I am still under 30. All these challenges are indeed preparing myself for a better future. I will get it through.
 

  

Aug 20, 2011

Finally melancholy stroked me. I haven't felt like this for a long time. To soothe my feeling, I listened to "似水流年". Then I reminisced the time I was in Vancouver, being 12, innocent, listening to this same song, living with mom, dad and sis. That was a very sweet time I had in my childhood. Then I realized, I do, I do miss home, miss my mom, dad and sis. I wanted to go back time, but I couldn't... guess what I can grasp is the fond memory...

On a side note, I must be thankful that we are all healthy, though living in various parts of the world.

To ease the emptiness feeling, I went to a pub, alone, sitting at a corner, sipping a glass of rose. I didn't dance along with the music, just sitting still jotting down the feeling, savouring the moment - the moment called "melancholy".

Eventually life has its own way to save me from emptiness; a birthday boy in the pub brought me to his party. Then eventually I was talking to people from various background. When I was on my way home, alone, thinking back, the night was a special moment of soul cleansing...

 


  

July 21, 2011

   

Thinking back, I have always been planning, planning, rushing and working. While now I am ok settled, my heart is finally at ease. For the first time in a very long while, I had a feeling of idling.

 

I guess as I go out everyday, explore different district, try something new, or even cook, I am learning and propelling my life. I shall use this time to taste other spices of life. :D

 

I will commence my clubbing life tomorrow. ;-)

  


  

April 5, 2011

   

What is life?

 

I am looking for a right path in life, but I don't know the meaning of "right". Seems to me I am looking for elements; different types of elements such as love, career, friends and family. It came to me that what I am searching for in life, at this moment, is love. Then I decide to drop everything I am engaged now, such as career and friends, for this purpose. If no major incident happens, I shall be moving to London in June.

  

It is more than solely "love" that draws me to London, there are also parks, arts, culture, financial center and work-life balance. These elements are in me, but being suppressed by living in Hong Kong. I am now going to submerge in them... I am seeing myself becoming a different person when I settle down in London. My behavior now is more like a kid (I fought quite hard to suppress my growth), but I shall let myself to grow up as an adult soon, after I have experienced enough elements I wanted to experience as a youth.

  

I must appreciate that I am living a free life at the current life stage. Most importantly I must appreciate my mom and dad for bringing me to this world and giving me education and wings for me to be who I want to be. Thank you. 
 

  

November 25, 2010

   

Cliffie has been working hard lately coz he needs to finish the tasks so as to leave for his holiday. Somehow I must be happy that my bosses have been treating me good and I am involved in meaningful jobs. Yet, they all allowed me for the annual leave and I will be going to South-east Asia for 17 days. Oh sweet oh. Then I need to thank my colleagues for the cover ups. I am thankful.
 
Cliffie will be heading to Vietnam tomorrow, then Cambodia, Thailand and Laos. Most importantly I will be going with very good friends. Oh. Thanks!
  
"The path to our destination is not always a straight one... We go down the wrong road, we get lost, we turn back.  Maybe it doesn't matter which road we embark on.  Maybe what matters is that we embark." Honestly Cliffie doesn't know where he is going... but I guess he is just wanting to taste the variety spices of life. 
 


August 18, 2010

  

I am back from Beijing. This trip has opened my eyes and my mind even wider, and I begin to think more about my future path... Aside from working very early in the morning until late at night, I had exposed to the following incidences:

- drank with boss who stationed in Beijing and chatted about the business environment for a foreigner
- discussed with a local PRC colleague on the working environment on different types of business entities
- enjoyed a half day chat with my old friend from Vancouver regarding life and living in the PRC
- partied the local PRC way: the alcohol, mah-jong, KTV, feast
- partied the western way: clubbing

Each of the above little incident tells a story of the PRC from different perspectives, like several blind men describing an elephant. I can path a way for more PRC exposure, but the destination won't be too comfortable. Then now I have to assess my purpose and goal in life and most importantly to understand truly who I am inside.
 


  

March 23, 2010

   

I will have a 2.5 week holiday in May and will visit Europe again. As my very close friends know, I travel because I am not too happy with the status quo. It is like I am taking ecstasy to escape the current life stage, but in a healthy way. ;-) But as the excitement of planning a trip subdues, I feel that I am walking on a tight rope again. Some how I will survive.

  

In the coming trip I'll go to London and Koln visiting friends. Sightseeing is no longer important as I am older and realize that love and friendship are more precious.

  

On the work front, I ain't as excited as I used to be. And now I am solely in charge of a sale of a diamond/jewelry retail chain. I must be happy because I will soon explore their whole design process and business operation and write up the company.

 

God, please guide me to a happy and satisfying life.

  


December 11, 2009

   

Today is the 11th of December, of which is the first weekend that I am total free from work for few months after a major milestone of a deal that I was working on. So I had time clubbing and chatting with friends. After a few drinks and I am still drunk in this moment I started to reflect on my life and wondered why I am in Hong Kong... I realize that life is not perfect. There are so many scarifies like I have A then I can't have B. And the like that I used to like in A is no longer the same. It is torturing but I must face it as I am growing up and must take responsibilities of life and action. I am struggling perhaps the alcohol is taking effect on me... Life was really good when I was young. I still have a good life but things are just not the same. I am venting and I really don't know the purpose of life... it loops me into a negative emotional spiral. If it ain't friends, I don't how to survive. Where do I go from here?
 
Perhaps in the deepest struggle, I will learn to reborn, like a phoenix. I will survive and I must survive!

 

January 2009

     

Sometimes I really have to look upon Ugly Betty for guidance whether I have gone off track. Similarly work has transformed me. I was once down to earth person but has gone aggressive with work. It is not a bad thing as I have made career one of my top priorities. With one thing gained, I had trade-off, simply reduced the amount of wholeheartedness. Have I lost myself, or is it simply a part of growing up? I haven't yet lost sight of myself.

  

Over the past month I gained 6lb to utmost heaviest moment of my life. Likely due to the lunch boxes, OT, irregular daily schedule. It is one quality of my life which I must change backward. Or better to turn whatever into muscle.

  

I've lost that heart to be considerate...



  

Feb 17, 2008

  

With now I am in HK, I understand more the meaning of competitive world. Vancouver is truly a heaven; people are willing to settle for less, not to compare and not to hurt others. However as now I gradually (must) step into the HK competitive culture, I am slowly leaving the Vancouver value. I realize I wasted so much time in Vancouver. It's detrimental to my career.

  

Whereas, I can't, I really can't blame because it was my decision to experience life in Vancouver, to experience a life in a Shangri-la, to be a Vancouverite. I have no regret as I did fulfill my dreams. I have no regrets. Well, what I will conclude is: Vancouver is like a city I visited; I was there, spent a wonderful time, and now it is all memory. I should move forward.

  


  

May 13, 2007

  

It is now when I am back home I can finalize what I feel about the trip. The most important thing I learn from this tour, however, isn't the sightseeing from Mexico. Rather, it is the experience to live and understand alternative ways of living, the hearts of feeling and caring other's joy and pain, and the further understanding human nature and life's philosophies. So many valuable things in this world are not blatantly for people to see.


  

October 13, 2006

  

I quite enjoy the latest TV drama Ugly Betty. Being ugly and working in the high-end fashion industry don’t cross. But seeing how Betty fighting the society negatives and stigmas really inspires me. I recall what Betty’s father mentioned to Betty regarding her performance in the high school play, some what like: “although you casted as a rock, you played it so beautiful.”

  

I got enlightened that everyone has a mission in life and has a stance in the society. Not everyone is that lucky to cast as the main character and live according to the society perception of perfection. The best is for everyone to understand their purpose of life and to perform the best of task at that position. Sadly, I know what I am capable of, but can never clearly visualize my stance in the world. I haven’t yet discovered a precedent…